life – Karen G. Bruce

How in the world did Suni and Butch last so long in space without pulling each other’s hair out? Suni’s hair was always floating around, just ready to be grabbed and yanked. You know it was! As a mother, I couldn’t help but be concerned about their well-being. Since I’ve become acquainted with old Mr. Arthur Itis, I’ve literally been worrying for months about how they would feel once gravity sets in. Can you just imagine? Their bodies will feel like they have tree trunks for legs. They’re not young. They will feel like I feel every morning I first put my feet on the ground, only one thousand times worse.

I have also worried about their water intake. We all know by now how important it is to stay hydrated. I don’t like to brag, but I’m incredibly lucky because we have fresh water from the spring to drink here at the farm. It’s amazing and I thank God for it. I turn my nose up at bottled water now. Who knows where it came from AND it’s been sitting in plastic! I googled what Suni and Butch had. Their water is recycled from their colleague’s sweat and exhaled breath! Did you just throw up a little in your mouth? Unknown water sources from plastic containers will be like heaven to them.

I would think food (and water) and family will be what they are looking forward to the most after being in space for 286 days. What are they dreaming of for their first meal? Is it something fresh and warm, not cold and prepackaged? Hot flavored coffees, and ice-cold drinks would definitely be on the list. I can tell you right now, my husband would be stopping at the drive-thru on the way home. I’d want a Heath Blizzard toot sweet! If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to stop hugging my family, and crying, because I’m a crier. You could bag my tears, recycle them and supply the next adventure for a whole year!

The next thing I’d do when I returned to good old Earth, if I were an astronaut, would be to color my roots. To each his own, but I wouldn’t like the entire world to see my roots showing. I have light brown hair but when my roots come in, they look like someone drew a black sharpie on my head next to my bottle blonde locks. Butch must have been cutting his hair in space. I googled that too. They have the tools they need and a vacuum for the hair that will be floating around. Did Suni help him? That seems a little personal and gross at the same time.

How in the world did they use the bathroom? I googled that and believe me, I’m not the only person that has googled these questions. Astronauts use a specially designed vacuum toilet with a suction system to manage bodily fluids, preventing waste from floating around. I’m telling you people; this is just too much! Can you imagine the smell?! If you broke wind, you couldn’t even blame it on the dog. They haven’t had a proper bath either. If it were me, I think I would have had to take a prompt dip in the ocean with those nosy nelly dolphins that came to greet them when they landed.

There are some cool things about being in space but knowing me, I would have tired of them after 10 minutes. I would have liked floating around like I was as light as a feather. I bet my saggy skin would lift oh so lightly, to turn the clock back at least five years. Mr. Google Pants said it’s sort of like being in water only you wouldn’t get the wrinkled skin.

I wonder if it’s a little bit spiritual out in space, looking at all the wonder of God’s creation and being a little closer to Jesus. Would it also be scary? Have they seen things that they don’t want to talk about? Come on Suni and Butch! Tell us the X-Files!

Now I know that Suni and Butch have to be sick to death of each other. Nobody could be together that much for that long and not feel like they want to strangle the other person to death, at least in their mind. If there was a murder in space, we would be able to watch it on every True Crime venue available. Talk about the ultimate “Snapped!” There would be all kinds of camera footage. Can you imagine Keith Morrison and his deep, poetic voice? “It was going to be a great adventure in space…or was it?” Fortunately, the only crime committed in space, thus far, is someone accessing a bank account without permission. Gasp!

Now that Suni and Butch are back home and recovering from their grand adventure, life will resume and then publishers will probably approach them, if they haven’t already. We’ll find out more about their epic expedition and they’ll save the ‘juicy’ details for their books. Of course, it may have been a bit boring so, in that case, they may have to make something up.

This time of year brings back fond memories of being a baseball mom like being frozen to the bleachers or sliding off them in a sweaty, melted heap. I also enjoyed soccer and track, but baseball was my favorite.

I played baseball when I was in 6^th grade, so I knew a little more about it. I’m not sure why, but I was the pitcher, and I wasn’t very good. But I looked really cute with my red Converse tennis shoes.

Adam, my oldest, liked playing baseball, but it was sometimes hard to tell with him. One time the coach wrote ‘little man’ in big fat sharpie letters across the top of his glove, causing him much grief. He was not amused and didn’t want to be called ‘little man.’ His papaw took him to Florida one summer, along with his cousin Danielle. Adam said that country hit, ‘Little Man,’ must have played on the radio a million times in that 10-hour trip, where they were only allowed to stop for gas and gas station food. I should have warned him.

There was also that time when he received his new uniform and for some reason his pants were shorter than everyone else’s. As soon as I parked the car, he ran to the dugout and would not come out. He didn’t want anyone to see him. He was absolutely mortified. He was so cute though and I told him so, but of course, that wasn’t helpful.

My youngest, Sam, was more into soccer but he did play minor league one year. The first time he was ever up to bat, the bases were loaded. He smacked that ball and started running as fast as he could, passing all his teammates to make the homerun. He was on fire! His coach told him to go back to 2^nd base, that he couldn’t pass the other runners. He was so disappointed but eventually made it to home plate.

One day, at Holston View, when Adam was playing, Sam ran up to me holding a baseball, a smile on his sweet little face. I said, “Take it to the concession stand and they’ll give you a free drink!” He marched off and then came back with hangdog eyes. I said, “What’s wrong, sweetie?” He said, “They said I could only have a fountain drink.” It then dawned on me that he thought that meant he could only have water out of the fountain. Bless his heart.

Sam was a hugger and not embarrassed to display his affection for his mama, especially when he did well at sports. Adam was more subdued, saving his hugs for home. I loved being a mama to my boys. They were my world, and I was theirs. Kenny worked hard and was either working nights or traveling. I was fortunate enough to work at jobs while they were at school. I was their biggest cheerleader, hollering whenever they caught a ball or made it to home plate.

Adam was more serious. One time, playing shortstop, he caught a ball from the pitch and also got a runner out at 2^nd base. We were all stunned but he just kept on like nothing had ever happened. Sam was more apt to pick a dandelion or hug his teammates for doing well. He could hit and run those bases like nobody’s business. He would then make a beeline for me to give me a hug which made me want to cry from happiness.

I was that mom with a huge video camera. It wasn’t a handheld camera either. It sat on my shoulder and weighed as much as me, or at least it felt like it. I carried Sam’s tuba back then too, so the camera was a piece of cake.

As long as they wanted to play sports, I was willing to do whatever it took but I never pushed them. They never played baseball after leaving Holston View, preferring soccer and track. I miss those days, but I cherish every memory. I don’t miss Sam’s fascination with the port-o-potties though. Hand sanitizer would have been very helpful back then.